I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Randomize
