Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
