That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
