I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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