Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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