I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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