don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
