end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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