I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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