I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
