never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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