It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
