so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
