look no pants
wat bout pragnant strippers??
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
