i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
