just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
