Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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