Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
