Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
