I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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