"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
