if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
