Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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