I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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