Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
