Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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