Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
