uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
