i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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