oh god the rape fog is back!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
