I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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