wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
