mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
