he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
