lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
