He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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