I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
