The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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