She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
