Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
