we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
