I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
