so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
