she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
