You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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