she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
