I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
