If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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