We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
