1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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