In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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